starshowers | 寂しい

I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss Japan...a lot.

It's not that there are particular aspects of living that I think are just so much better, or that I think it's a perfect country or anything - I damn well lived there long enough to know that it's not.

It's both hard and easy to explain.

I was content there. I was at peace with the world around me and my place in it. I still had the same internal woes. I felt...

I don't know how else to explain it. I was content. Every day, I would look out the window and think I'm happy here. I don't want to go.

I'm not sure I'll ever find a place that makes me feel that way again. Looking at my life now, I don't think living there again will be a possibility.

But I'm grateful for the time I had. For all the grief I'm going through now because of my choice to go, I don't regret it, and nothing could ever make me. I wouldn't trade that year, not for the whole world.